Negotiations

Negotiations are a huge part of life - think about it. In almost every situation, we are constantly negotiating and trying to persuade the opposite side to see things our way. The definition of negotiation, according to TheFreeDictionary.com, is "a discussion set up or intended to produce a settlement or agreement." Whether I'm at a Crafts Fair and negotiating the price of a bracelet or at work, negotiating a custom sponsorship integration for my client, there are a few key steps to keep in mind.

1. Evaluate the big picture
2. Determine hidden agendas and the other side's viewpoint
3. Gain buy in to your side of the equation
4. Develop trust between both parties
5. Monitor the process of the negotiation

Just like everything else, the above steps are a guideline and are worth following and remembering. When you are in the heat of the moment, however, some of these check boxes can remain unchecked and you might run the risk of losing the negotiation. 

There are two examples that come to mind when I think of my own negotiations. One was successful and the other not so much. 

Let's start with the successful one - I was negotiating a media sponsorship integration that was cross-platform. The woman I was dealing with was new to the XYZ Company we were trying to make the deal with and she didn't have a very good handle on what their capabilities were. I have a very good understanding of what goes into a TV sponsorship and thus, a Digital extension. The plan I was evaluating was very unfair to my client and had us paying for a ton of units that we would never normally pay. We were also told we would be the only sponsor of this program but their definition of "sponsor" didn't include our logo on the page for the entirety of the campaign. Negotiations were rough. They took over a month and a ton of emails and phone calls back and forth. Conversations grew heated but I was only forceful when I needed to be. Without having known (officially) about the steps above, I realize now that I followed them almost to the letter. I took a look at the big picture and what was important to both of us - ultimately it came down to the fact that both of us wanted a successful partnership. Secondly, I tried to understand where XYZ Company was coming from when they said they had to charge us for placements we normally consider added value or why our logo wasn't on the page. We compromised and included some of these placements as paid and the others were given to us as added value. As for the logo, this is where I had to get forceful and explain the definition of a sponsorship. Once they understood and bought into where I was coming from, this was thrown in for the entirety of the campaign. On many of our phone calls with our legal departments, I took the high road and mediated the conversations. This built trust on both my own legal teams end but also for the XYZ Company. They knew I was trying to find a peaceful resolution and appreciated my frankness and transparency.  Finally, throughout the process I tried to reign us back into the big picture and why we were ultimately having these discussions. It was very successful because in the end, both my client and XYZ Company was happy with the end result and I could breath again. 

The second negotiation that comes to mind that didn't turn out so well was the one I participated in in my class last week. I was part of one of my classmate's council (she was the CEO of a skin care company) and we had to negotiate with another team who represented the island where we mine ash from for the skin care products. The topic was regarding an increased tax we (the company) would have to pay to make up for the damages we made to the island throughout the years of mining. We were on the stance that this tax was too high and were trying to bring it down to a more reasonable number. My team was great and ended up wining but that's besides the point. I personally felt myself get all riled up and I couldn't control my facial emotions or my reaction to certain arguments from the other side. I was so beside myself that I honestly should have kept my mouth shut (a valuable lesson learned) but I almost caused my team to lose! I felt uncomfortable - I didn't know the facts, it was a hypothetical situation and there were a lot of variables that were unknown. I was ready to lash out. I personally didn't follow the steps above even though my team did. I lost site of the big picture and all I saw were hidden agendas from the other team and I wanted to systematically break each and every single one down. Thank God the negotiations were over after 20 minutes. I think I would've said something my team and I hadn't agreed upon which was to pull out of that island immediately if they didn't lower the tax!

Both examples are very different. One is work related which means there's a lot more riding on it - the other was school related which was meant for practice and to teach us a lesson a major deal wasn't riding on it. I think that's pretty significant because in a real life situation, maybe I'm more apt to take it slow and go through the process whereas in class, I want to win and be right and all reason goes out the window. I think another difference is that in the first situation, I knew my facts and I had done my homework. I knew what I should be paying for a sponsorship and I ultimately was able to get what I needed. In the second, I was uncomfortable with all the unknown variables and instead of keeping my mouth shut when I didn't know something, I got a little riled up in the heat of the moment. 

Important to realize though that the above steps are necessary to follow in order to accomplish your goals. A negotiation is about both sides coming to an agreement - not just you getting everything you want and the other side getting nothing. There has to be harmony and there are better ways of getting to that harmony instead of losing yourself in the moment. 

-D

Interpersonal Leadership Results

When I was younger, I used to love taking short quizes that would reveal some fact about myself. They were usually pop-culture related and I would end up finding out what Disney Princess I was most like (I always tried to get Belle) or what Hogwarts House I was a part of (I always skewed my answers to get into Gryffindor). I would post my results on the popular news feed of the year (at that time it was Xanga or MySpace) so that all my friends could see that indeed, I was as brave and courageous as a Gryffindor. Wasn't I cool?

Now that I've evolved past that point (have I though?), I've started taking more "adult" versions of these tests. Ones that have actually been vetted through and teach you more about your personality, your leadership style or you fascination triggers. You may recall that I discussed my Fascination Triggers results in this blog post. My two triggers were prestige and power which were defined me as acute, discerning and detail oriented. I don't settle for average. I'm a combination of ambitious, goal-oriented, social, expressive, and intuitive. Most recently, I took a survey to define my Interpersonal Leadership Styles by the Stratton Consultant Group. The purpose of this survey was to become more self aware of your own strengths and weaknesses but also how to work with other styles of leadership.

There are four types of "buckets" that you can be placed into. Unlike the surveys I used to take when I was younger, the answers you give can't really be skewed towards a certain outcome - plus you aren't really aware of the four types of buckets until the results are revealed which helps to keep you unbiased.

These four buckets are:

1. Persuader - someone who is challenging and spontaneous, people oriented, creative, and has high energy
2. Counselor - someone who is spontaneous and supporting, who leads from behind, takes the back seat sometimes, flexible, and a people person
3. Director - someone who is challenging and disciplined, directive, impactful and structured
4. Analyzer - someone who is supporting and disciplined, loves data, cares about the facts, the process and quality

Before my results were revealed to me, I think I identified the most with the Persuader category and wasn't all that surprised to see that I was indeed put in that part of the grid. The more I read about it though, the more mixed feelings I had about it. Some points were absolutely 100% spot on and others I felt didn't define me as perfectly. I realized that was the challenging part of myself  but I also decided (and whether this is correct to assume or not) not every piece of this description is going to apply 100% and instead, some of these pieces may only be 60% or less but should definitely be something you become aware of so you can learn to adjust accordingly.

Some of the points that were spot on:

1. “enthusiasm”
2. “frequently outgoing”
3. “stimulating, lively and personable”
4. “eager to please others…attach themselves to people they admire and seek recognition from them”
5. “aggressive nature can make them impulsive”
6. "competitive to an unhealthy degree”
7. "overly emotional"

I am definitely the type of person who wears my emotions on the proverbial sleeve. I am extremely outgoing and overly enthusiastic. I would also like to think that I'm personable and lively and I definitely, 100% want to be liked and recognized for my talent. I do get ridiculously competitive - even over little things and can pout if I don't "win." I'm also very impulsive - I make decisions sometimes without analyzing everything. I recently tried to change that piece of me when I actually attempted to research my two options and let the decision sit for a week. That was really a challenge for me but I can see the benefit to it. 

Points that I was unsure of:

1. "lack of follow up"
2. "bored easily"
3. "unreliable"
4. "frequently inflexible"

Not to sound cocky, but I make it a point to always follow up and I don't consider myself unreliable. In fact, I think I'm too reliable and people take advantage of that. I work when I'm on vacation when I don't have to. I don't necessarily mind it but I'm also not exactly thrilled that I have this part in me that constantly wants to please others. I never back down from a project and I see it through to the end.

I did take a closer look at "bored easily" and "frequently inflexible." I've realized that I do actually get bored and I'm never actually satisfied. For example, I strive for the Senior Planner role and when I get it, I'm already thinking about what the next move I have to make. I don't just enjoy the new role I'm in, I'm unsatisfied. Also in terms of being inflexible, I do tend to lean towards my comfort zone and my way of doing things. Even though I adapt to my environment and understand it, I am inconsistent with how I work with certain people. With some I have all the patience in the world and with others I make snap comments. I think these are really important factors to keep in mind and to develop into something better. 

Comparing this to my Fascination Triggers, there is definitely a correlation to my social butterfly ways, my ambition, acuteness, and enthusiasm. Pretty interesting stuff.

Bottom line, it's important to understand the balance between the pros and cons of these results, how to work with the other buckets mentioned above, how to incorporate members from each group within my own team and how to become more self aware of these pros/cons and use them to my best advantage.

-D

PS

Earlier this week, I was told that I actually received the promotion - I am now a Manager of Integrated Investments and I couldn't be more pumped. I'm going to take a lesson from the Interpersonal Leadership Results, take 10 breaths, stop and enjoy and try not to get bored right away!

Learning When to Move On

I had worked incredibly hard throughout undergrad and because I'm first-generation American and my parents have no "connections," I networked every opportunity I got. All that had paid off when I met the man who would eventually become my boss. We hit it off Sophomore year and throughout the years, he would provide me with incredible advice and insight to my various questions. I couldn't have been more lucky when, my Senior year, he called to tell me there was a job opening at his company and within his own department no less. I had an interview if I wanted it and boy did I want it! I jumped on the first bus back home to interview at one of the most enviable places, a mecca for sports and entertainment. The interview went well and a couple of months later, I graduated and started my career within the sales department for the media division of the company. I was beyond excited to get a job straight out of college.

The first year of my career had many ups and downs - I was able to attend any game I wanted, puff up with pride every time I mentioned where I worked (and yes, ashamedly, even gloated at the jealousy I saw in my friends' eyes), and put to use my hard earned degree within the field of marketing and advertising. But I also had to deal with a bi-polar account executive who loved me one minute and would yell at me the next. I was afraid to deal with the issue of the abusive account executive until one day, my mentor turned boss, asked me to come into his office. He had noticed I was less bubbly and more pale as of late and wanted to know what was wrong. He gave me an opportunity to voice my concerns about my current situation. A couple of weeks later, I was transferred to a new set of account executives and even had my desk moved closer to the other side of the office where he and my new executives sat so that I could be completely removed from that toxic situation. I was in heaven and to me, my mentor/boss was a saint for making those changes happen so quickly.

Just slightly over a year into my job, I was promoted to Media Sales Planner. It was the first time this position was in existence and it was my job to figure out what to do since even HR had a hard time defining my new role. I now worked directly with my mentor/boss. Before, we had a mentoring relationship and I was still comfortable speaking to him but now that I was reporting into him, I felt a shift in the relationship. I began treating him more like a boss and began to feel less and less comfortable coming to him with my problems, concerns and ideas. I really couldn't put my finger on it for a very long time why I started feeling this way but I began to notice certain qualities about him that were a definite turn off:

1. Very charming -  to the point where he was coming off fake. This goes along with showing happiness or joy only if it served his purpose. It disgusted me how fake he was towards clients and how he could immediately turn on you the moment their backs were turned. 
2. Manipulative - he would call me into my office and try to gather dirt on the others within our department and tell me it was something he already noticed but wasn't sure if he was just jumping the gun. He wanted me to confirm. I learned very quickly to shut my mouth and evade his probing because I didn't want others to think I was a tattletale. He would also tell me that moving around in this industry was difficult and that I was lucky to have found a job where I did. Getting a new one with my "lack of experience" would be impossible. Obviously I see now that all he wanted to do was keep his best worker within his own grasp. 
3. Entitled - during staff meetings he would obviously run the show since he was the head of the department but he would belittle all new ideas or questions. I noticed myself becoming more and more introverted and afraid to ask questions for fear he would shut me down (like he was doing to everyone else around me). Also, when he would call me into his office (which at this point I was beginning to dread), he would feel like he had the right to talk to me about my life at home (which is by no means terrible at all) - I should move out. My parents were holding me back. Was my boyfriend really the one? Another example that comes to mind was when I had a small bruise on my arm. I had done renovations with my parents and boyfriend on my mother's kitchen and because I'm usually over enthusiastic in situations like that, I had bumped my arm slightly on one of the cabinets. My boss had immediately decided that I was being beaten by my boyfriend and that I should find help. I remember just starting at him on that one, speechless. 
4. No remorse - again, he would belittle the staff around him and he wouldn't feel terrible at all if he made someone cry. 
5. Appear to be all mightier than thou - our conversations would often turn to what I wanted to do with my life and career. He would tell me that I shouldn't make a move unless I spoke to him first about it because he knew a lot of people in the industry and would know what's best for me. He also wanted to start his own internet company on the side and wanted my help with it. He truly believed it would be a huge success but when I asked him pointed questions, he would become defensive and shut me out. 

When looking at the above list - I realized what I had come across. I was dealing with a sociopath. I wasn't sure how severe it was but that intuition I was feeling ever since I was promoted was pointing me in this direction. I started to treat him completely differently and became more formal. He would comment on how I didn't come to him anymore looking for advice and how he felt like I was becoming depressed. This was an intentional move on my part. I began to learn quickly on how to deal with his ever changing moods - one moment he was happy and carefree and the other you had to walk around egg shells with him. Eventually, it got to the point where I could no longer stand going to work every day. It had become tedious and the stress on my emotions was getting to me. At this point I had been working there for 2 and 1/2 years - I was promised one promotion after another by my mentor/boss and none of them ever came to fruition. After being told for the third time to sit tight and the next few months would be better, I decided to interview and to my surprise, got a job offer only two weeks after I started searching. I had been so brainwashed to believe that it wasn't possible that I was so surprised - I was also ill-prepared to provide my resignation. I thought I had at least a month or two to prepare. 

I realized, after I drafted up my resignation letter, that I had turned into a completely different person from who I was in college. I was afraid to ask questions, to speak up, and I lacked the courage to fight for myself. I was too scared to even tell him I was leaving and almost declined my new offer! I hated what I had become and coming to this realization gave me the fire to go to my manager and first tell him. He was my direct report and following policy, I went to him first. I should've known better because that organization was like elementary school - everyone talked behind everyone's back. My manager had gone to my mentor/boss before I had the chance. By the time I got to him, he was furious. He was also furious that I decided to give up everything he had done for me and leave him. I felt like I was breaking up with a boyfriend! It was awkward, humiliating and nauseating but eventually, I got through it and my last two weeks helped confirm that I did the right thing. My mentor/boss gave me the cold shoulder for the rest of my time there and I haven't spoken to him since. In my exit interview with him, I had let him know that I didn't want to part ways like this and didn't want to burn any bridges but if that's what he wanted to do, then it wouldn't be on me. 

Everyone else in the company had a hard time letting me go and couldn't understand why I ultimately had to leave. When I explained the situation, they knew they couldn't offer anything to make me stay. It wasn't the first time they had heard complaints about this person. When I heard that, I was even more annoyed that it was allowed to continue. Didn't they realize who/what they were dealing with??

I'm very happy where I am now - when my new boss asked me a month in how I was doing, I was shocked. I've learned to find my courage, ask questions and generate ideas. I still have a lot more courage to gain but it's already ten times better than it was. The tough lesson I had to learn was take everything with a grain of salt - things aren't always what they seem and if you can't make the situation better, sometimes it's best to throw in the towel and move on. I'm so glad that towel was thrown away but I'm also grateful for the experience - in retrospect, it made me even stronger than before. 

-D