Knowing Your Limits and Knowing When to Push Through

So last week I discussed the different types of power that help take you to the next level on the corporate ladder. What I'm about to write is very hard for me but I hope it has a cleansing effect. Another important step for a leader is to acknowledge and receive feedback or criticism. This, admittedly, is very hard for me. I feel like I've gotten better over the years and developed a hard shell. But then I get feedback and it's not necessarily what I was hoping for and I'm reminded that this is something I'm still very much dealing with.

A couple of examples come to mind, but most recently during tonight's C-Suite class. We were going over last week's blog post and what one should look and feel like and in re-reading mine, I felt like I should have stepped back and eaten a slice of humble pie. It sounded like I was completely full of myself. At the time, I thought I was just acknowledging what I know to be true about my personality and the way I lead. But in re-reading it, it came off as high handed. Lesson learned.

For me it's difficult to hear when I've done something wrong or how I could have done something better because I always strive to do my best in everything. I think because I am such a perfectionist, I put on these horse blinders and sometimes ignore a basic point - there are other ways of accomplishing a goal, a project, a campaign. I need to remember that in the end, the person giving me feedback, whether they have my best interests at heart or not, is giving me a valuable learning experience to better myself. This is not always easy to remember.

I recently started reading Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In. It's only 232 pages and I only started it on Tuesday but I'm almost done. I'm inspired and amazed by what Sandberg wrote. She may not be a "scholar, a journalist, or a sociologist," as she writes in her introduction, but she uses real life stories and experiences to discuss fundamental issues that women face in the work place environment. One particular chapter struck me to my core - that women have a need to be liked, have a deep seated fear of failing and internalize everything when a negative comment or criticism is thrown their way. What makes Sandberg's book so great is that she too acknowledges that she has these exact same feelings and even though she is successful and the COO of Facebook, she still hasn't overcome this particular problem. I feel like I'm listening to my best friend talk.

This book couldn't have come at a better time. At work, I'm facing a major personal dilemma where I have the opportunity to "lean in," show that I'm a real leader or I can wait and see what happens (which usually means an opportunity will pass by). I'm up for a promotion. However, the way my company is set up, each team is basically funded by a client and not knowing how much the promotion is scoped out for, I'm hesitant to negotiate my new salary. I have the mindset of "Well, I should be lucky I'm being considered for this position." Since I've only been there a year, I also feel as if I'm an impostor to the role since others who are currently in this role have been doing this for much longer and have more industry knowledge. Am I ready to be considered part of this new clique or will I feel out of place?

I've been working up my courage since Tuesday when I started this book to try and overcome this fear. I want to be liked so badly and don't want to be perceived as an opportunist or pushy. My bosses have told me what an asset I am to the team. So what's holding me back from trying to fight for a better raise? Why do I feel like I'm not allowed to? I don't want to wait too long before I formulate my approach because I fear that it will be too late.

I've realized it's getting rejected and receiving a negative response that is 100% holding me back. Acknowledgement is the first step and for me, the second is knowing when to gather enough courage to have the "talk" and when to push through.

As hard as it is to admit, I'm not perfect. I cringe at negative feedback and probably always will. But because I'm aware of it, I hope to turn it into a learning experience. We'll see how that goes.

-D

P.S. Hopefully by next week's blog post, I'll have better news to share and update on my progress!