Learning From The Past To Make A Brighter Future

I've had a lot of great examples of what not to do in the work force and just a handful of examples from bosses that I'd wish to emulate. As I mentioned in my last post, I'm up for a supervisor position at my current agency which I'm really excited about. It means a lot more responsibility but above all it means I'll have three people directly reporting into me. I want to make sure that I'm providing them a good example of how a supervisor should be but I'm nervous that I'll somehow let them down. 

Throughout my entire working life from the time I started at the local bakery in my neighborhood to my current position at this agency, I've had more examples than not of selfish, manipulative, abusive, self entitled, bosses. I didn't see these traits at first because these people were really great at hiding them and even after having learned of their ways and telling myself, "Never again, Denise will you fall into that trap," I get surprised all over again. 

I ask myself, how do people like this get hired? How do they keep their positions? What are they doing right and what am I doing wrong since I'm not in their position? Do I have to become more like them? One of my fears of being in this industry is losing who I am at heart and becoming someone who I've detested in the past. I know there is a fine line of continuing to be the sweet, light hearted funny girl and someone who won't get walked all over. 

My most recent experience happened just this year when I switched accounts at work. I thought I had this amazing team for once. We laughed a lot, our personalities all meshed and we got a long really well - we even went to spas together! But what I noticed as the months went by was that I was doing more and more of the work and staying the latest at night. I was the "junior" person on the team and at first I thought that's just how it was supposed to be. It got worse and worse to the point where I would walk by my managers desk and she would be on Facebook or Spotify or even better, texting her friends. Here I had a never ending pile of work on my desk and she had the time and audacity to socialize openly at work - all while sitting right next to the head of our team. I was amazed, frustrated, angry, overworked, and ultimately resentful. There would be days where she would come up to me and act the manager and I wouldn't even listen to her because in my mind, she had no idea what was going on anyway so who was she to tell me what to do? She had lost her seat of authority to me and her power. When we finally hired an assistant who reported into me, I remember her telling me to learn how to push work off on her - that she had perfected the skill. Of course she had perfected the skill - she'd been doing it for months with me! 

It only took a month for my new assistant to realize something was up. 

I knew I had to say something so I brought this up to my boss who eventually took the matter into her own hands and up the ladder to some very important higher ups. I'm glad I said something because otherwise, who knows how long it would've gone on? I was lucky that these higher ups took the situation seriously. I've realized that people like that stay in the positions they are in because they can easily hide the truth - they are charming, can interview really well, their traits of management can be misconstrued for true leadership, and they excel in companies that have so many employees that they easily get overlooked. She 100% took advantage of the situation and coasted for months all while earning the big bucks. Speaking up taught me that at least I won't lose one part of myself - the need to right injustices. 

We've been talking about how a leader needs to become more strategic and less tactical the farther they move up the proverbial food chain. Something that's going to be difficult for me is to let go of the details and focus more on strategy, the overall picture for the client, not just the campaign level. I think my old manager lost sight of this, among other things, and didn't think she needed to do the details anymore. In contrast, on my old account, I had managers that knew how to push off work and distribute it evenly among the planners but also knew what projects they needed to keep and perform. I want to strive to be more like them and less like the other example. I believe that in order to be a good leader, you need to learn when to let go, when to roll up your sleeves and help out and when to be strategic and think big picture. I also believe that these dont happen in stages but rather simultaneously. I know it's going to be a lot and yes, I'm crazy nervous, but I'm also excited to see how I will approach this new chapter.

-D

Knowing Your Limits and Knowing When to Push Through

So last week I discussed the different types of power that help take you to the next level on the corporate ladder. What I'm about to write is very hard for me but I hope it has a cleansing effect. Another important step for a leader is to acknowledge and receive feedback or criticism. This, admittedly, is very hard for me. I feel like I've gotten better over the years and developed a hard shell. But then I get feedback and it's not necessarily what I was hoping for and I'm reminded that this is something I'm still very much dealing with.

A couple of examples come to mind, but most recently during tonight's C-Suite class. We were going over last week's blog post and what one should look and feel like and in re-reading mine, I felt like I should have stepped back and eaten a slice of humble pie. It sounded like I was completely full of myself. At the time, I thought I was just acknowledging what I know to be true about my personality and the way I lead. But in re-reading it, it came off as high handed. Lesson learned.

For me it's difficult to hear when I've done something wrong or how I could have done something better because I always strive to do my best in everything. I think because I am such a perfectionist, I put on these horse blinders and sometimes ignore a basic point - there are other ways of accomplishing a goal, a project, a campaign. I need to remember that in the end, the person giving me feedback, whether they have my best interests at heart or not, is giving me a valuable learning experience to better myself. This is not always easy to remember.

I recently started reading Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In. It's only 232 pages and I only started it on Tuesday but I'm almost done. I'm inspired and amazed by what Sandberg wrote. She may not be a "scholar, a journalist, or a sociologist," as she writes in her introduction, but she uses real life stories and experiences to discuss fundamental issues that women face in the work place environment. One particular chapter struck me to my core - that women have a need to be liked, have a deep seated fear of failing and internalize everything when a negative comment or criticism is thrown their way. What makes Sandberg's book so great is that she too acknowledges that she has these exact same feelings and even though she is successful and the COO of Facebook, she still hasn't overcome this particular problem. I feel like I'm listening to my best friend talk.

This book couldn't have come at a better time. At work, I'm facing a major personal dilemma where I have the opportunity to "lean in," show that I'm a real leader or I can wait and see what happens (which usually means an opportunity will pass by). I'm up for a promotion. However, the way my company is set up, each team is basically funded by a client and not knowing how much the promotion is scoped out for, I'm hesitant to negotiate my new salary. I have the mindset of "Well, I should be lucky I'm being considered for this position." Since I've only been there a year, I also feel as if I'm an impostor to the role since others who are currently in this role have been doing this for much longer and have more industry knowledge. Am I ready to be considered part of this new clique or will I feel out of place?

I've been working up my courage since Tuesday when I started this book to try and overcome this fear. I want to be liked so badly and don't want to be perceived as an opportunist or pushy. My bosses have told me what an asset I am to the team. So what's holding me back from trying to fight for a better raise? Why do I feel like I'm not allowed to? I don't want to wait too long before I formulate my approach because I fear that it will be too late.

I've realized it's getting rejected and receiving a negative response that is 100% holding me back. Acknowledgement is the first step and for me, the second is knowing when to gather enough courage to have the "talk" and when to push through.

As hard as it is to admit, I'm not perfect. I cringe at negative feedback and probably always will. But because I'm aware of it, I hope to turn it into a learning experience. We'll see how that goes.

-D

P.S. Hopefully by next week's blog post, I'll have better news to share and update on my progress!