Remember to Breath

I recently participated in an Alumni video conferencing event for my Undergrad. I was the guest speaker and over thirty students joined me virtually to ask questions about what it is like in the "real world" and how I made it to where I am today. I personally love these event. I didn't feel like my Undergrad prepared me well enough for my eventual marketing career and I love taking the opportunity to share my knowledge. One of the most frequently asked questions (both during the event and after in the thank-you emails I received) was - what other concentration do you think I should be focusing on that will compliment my marketing concentration? I was a Marketing and Leadership/Consulting major so of course I stressed the importance of taking Leadership as a second option.

At any level, leadership is:

1. Knowing yourself - your strengths and weaknesses and what you need to work on
2. Knowing those around you and understanding your impact on them
3. Making the tough decisions and stepping outside the comfort zone
4. Building rapport and finding common ground with those around you

It is an extremely useful skill to start learning about. I say start because you never fully master it. It is a constant learning process.

It was great to be able to answer the student questions with the above and also regale them with my own story and the current classes I'm taking for my Masters Degree at NYU. My current leadership class has not only reaffirmed what I've learned back in Undergrad and what I've experienced at work so far, but it has also provided me with a deeper dive in my own Interpersonal Leadership styles, the styles of others, the importance of identifying different types of leadership and what is effective in what situation but one class in particular really stuck with me. The class we had on "Crucial Conversations" and Negotiations really reminded me of how I need to better myself in this area. Having difficult conversations is probably one of the hardest things for me to do. I definitely get way too passionate and emotional and I have a hard time remembering to breath, step back, and reset. The book we reference on "Crucial Conversations" by Kerry Patterson was extremely helpful. Five key steps are identified for dialogue:

1. Create mutual intent - create a shared sense of purpose, what do you want to accomplish out of this?
2. Create a safe environment - make sure the conditions of the meeting place make it a safe environment for both parties
3. Speak from the heart - look for the emotional response in both parties
4. Focus on self not other - take a reflective stance 
5. Create mutuality - focus on authenticity, honesty, and respect

CRIB is important to keep in mind too:

1. Commit to the person you are having the conversation with - keep going back to the goal of the conversation
2. Recognize the need - identify the emotional concern blocking the flow of the conversation - what is really bothering you?
3. Invent - broaden the perspective to bring in creative solutions (win-win)
4. Brainstorm - shift to an exploration mode - what if we did this as opposed to this?

Oh yeah. And breath. Try not to get too emotional, Denise.

These are all really great things to keep in mind but its definitely hard when you are in the heat of the moment and all you want to do is get your point across. Now especially, as a manager, I have to have these conversations with my direct reports more and more. I can't be afraid to have them and I need to remember to implement the above.

This class has also taught me about my own personal leadership style (which I've discussed in this blog post) but its also taught me about other types of leadership styles and how important it is to different styles in my team. It's also taught me about the importance of learning how to work with these people - everyone has a different method and likes being taught/criticized/helped in a different manner. It's important to recognize that and not discount it. Knowing this will now better prepare me for the future as I grow in my manager role and hopefully all the way to the C-Suite one day soon.

I know I have a lot more to learn and plenty of growing to do but this class has definitely given me perspective - how to emulate successful leaders and what made them successful to begin with, how to grow as a leader and how to make others in my team shine based on their own styles and needs.

All the best to all the future leaders out there and go take some classes on leadership!!!

-D